Focus on Better Behavior

How do you parent respectfully? Well, first you have to understand what it means to have or give respect.  Respect is defined as admiration of someone or something.  You show respect when you take someone else’s feelings, thoughts and ideas into consideration before you act.  You can also show respect by acting honestly and truthfully, listening and acknowledging someone and giving them worth.  Respect is not something that is given, it is earned.  To earn someone’s respect, you first have to act respectfully towards them.  This includes children as well as adults.  Respecting a child will demonstrate respectful behavior and teach the child what it means to be respectful. When you respect a child, respectful behavior will become second nature.

So, how do you foster respect with your children?  Below are several tips and suggestions.

1. Always listen attentively when your child is speaking to you
2. View your child as an individual with her own wants and needs that should be valued and respected
3. Respond to the needs and wants of your child in appropriate ways
4. Consider your child’s input instead of immediately squashing their ideas
5. Allow your child to discuss ideas and evaluate potential outcomes before making choices.  Decide together which option to choose.
6. Learn with your child, you are never too old to learn something new
7. et defined boundaries and limits for your child.  Make sure consequences are clearly outlined
8. Realize that mistakes are learning opportunities. Try not to shame your child when he makes a mistake.
9. Use time-outs not as punishment but as cooling off periods.  The entire family can engage in time-outs. Modeling this behavior will teach your child that working things out together should be calm and rational.  It is a sign of respect to remove yourself from a situation in order to cool off rather than yelling and fighting.

These are just a few of the ways you can show respect for your child.  It is also important for you to be respectful of your parenting partner.  Whether you are married or co-parenting, there is no greater tool for teaching respect then by acting respectfully. It can be hard sometimes.  Emotions can get in the way.  But don’t confuse respect with complacency.  You are still the parent.  You get to set the rules and boundaries.  However you may find that when you and your family act in a more democratic fashion, kids will be more inclined to participate in chores and follow the rules.  It’s always easier to do so when you had a say in the rule making.