Focus on Better Behavior

You know, I know a lot of people who really want to have kids.  The desire to be a parent can be incredibly strong, especially for a woman.  But, if you know someone who has the “baby disease” you rarely hear them wishing for a toddler or a teenager.  It’s always a baby, cute little clothes, diapers and gear.  There are tons of classes on how to care for a baby.  But you don’t see people beating down the door to take a class on parenting teenagers.  That’s because, caring for a baby is easy.  They are small, cute, and they don’t talk back.  Look at your teen.  They are awkward, lanky and often have a style all their own.  They have opinions and they aren’t afraid to express them.  Teens crave independence and freedom.  They are stretching their wings and trying to grow.  As parents, we still look into that almost adult face and see the cute sweet baby.  But they aren’t babies anymore.  As parents, we need to relate to these kids on a different level.

When your child was little, you made the rules and the child followed them.  With a teen it can be appropriate to discuss expectations instead.  You expect your teen to help with chores, do well in school and be respectful.  Your teen may expect you to offer rides and pay for activities.  This is something that should be discussed so everyone realizes that they have a responsibility if things are to run smoothly.  Once everyone understands their role, you can let nature take its course.  If the chores aren’t done, don’t offer the ride.  If the grades aren’t there, allow for more study time by eliminating activities.  When a child experiences the consequences of their actions, they can learn to change their behavior without punishments.

The hardest part about consequences is letting your child feel them.  As important as it is for you to provide a safe environment for your teen to stretch his wings, it is equally important for you to start cutting away those apron strings.  It’s difficult to watch your child suffer.  But it is a part of life.  Life is not fair and there will always be disappointments.  When you have an agreement with your teen, remember, it is their choice that decided the consequence they are experiencing.  Be supportive.  But do not back down.  Also remember that the world is very good and giving appropriate consequences.  If you choose not to work, you are choosing not to go out to movies and other activities.  If you don’t do your school work are choosing to loose privileges.  So, let that teenager have a little freedom.  Take a step back and let them get disappointed.  It’s better for you, and it’s better for them.