Focus on Better Behavior

My ex-husband has been a pretty good dad. I hate to admit it sometimes, but he’s always been there for the kids. He never missed a weekend. He coached soccer and attended school functions. As much as I would have like to have traditional family, I think we have been able to co-parent through our divorce pretty well. It’s something that I am actually proud of.  I know he is too.

When our kids were little, parenting them was easier. He worked during the week and had the kids every other weekend. Things changed when he got remarried. He wanted to have the kids for a chunk of time in the summer so he could take vacations and have other family fun. It was really hard for me, first to let some other woman be with my kids. And second to have the kids gone for so long. I know many married couples who envied the fact that I had every other weekend free to go out and make plans without needing a babysitter. Perhaps that is true, but I always saw it as time I didn’t get to have my children. Sometimes divorced couples can be so selfish. My ex only spent 8 days a month with his kids. I got them for 22. I guess he should have been the one really missing the kids.

As the kids got older the summer trips got bigger. Disneyland for a week. Hawaii for 10 days. Parenting teenagers can be a trial but I was frustrated that I couldn’t seem to compete for vacations with him. I know it’s not a competition, but when you are co-parenting, it’s hard to believe that the other parent isn’t trying hard to make himself look better. Boy, that does sound petty, but it is honest.

Now that my kids are grown, they love us both. My son lives with me but makes time to go and see his father every week. My daughter came back from college and she is living with him for the summer. It’s an odd feeling to call her and invite her over to the home she was raised in. I guess that is how my ex husband felt throughout the kids younger years. I think all moms’ feel like they do the best job of parenting. But looking back on my experience, I realize that I had a pretty good partner in child rearing, even if we weren’t good as a couple. We both love the kids and did our best by them. I think they turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself