Defining the Problem

So why is ADD or ADHD a problem anyway? I believe that with any limitation also comes a gift. For parents of children with ADD or ADHD, the problems may come in many forms:

1. Difficulty teaching a child in the way we expect to be able to teach them. We instruct, and they appear not to learn or obey.

2. Difficulty in helping your child meet the expectations that other people have for them, in social situations, outings, or other interactions where certain behaviors are expected.

3. Problems with environments where your child has to adjust to the environment, or conform to someone else's set of rules.

4. Difficulty establishing a predictable and workable routine or relationship in the home, or for other situations.

5. Constantly feeling like you have to be on guard to monitor behaviors and prevent dangerous or destructive behaviors.

I believe the problems can be divided into two categories:

• A behavior that genuinely is a problem. There are some of these. Dangerous behaviors are one of them. And some concepts need to be learned in order to achieve a certain level of function in society.
• A behavior that is a problem because of the environment in which it occurs, or because of the situation in which it happens, which would not be a problem in other circumstances. In other words, problems which are sometimes caused not by an unacceptable behavior, but by the requirement of those around the child, for them to conform in a way they feel unable to do.

So, sometimes it is our expectations which actually create the problem, and the way WE do things needs to be adjusted. Sometimes the thing the child is doing really is unacceptable, in which we must teach them not to do it - but in order to teach them, WE may have to adjust again, and teach them in a way we are not as familiar with, or which is less convenient to us!

Problems with children who appear to not listen, won't sit still, refuse to obey what we feel are reasonable requests, who are unable to learn in what we feel are normal situations can be very frustrating. And it is more complex than a simple see that - do this instruction list if you want to address the problem, because children with these problems are so unique.

• One child may hyperfocus, excluding all else from their life.
• Another child may not remember certain types of information.
• One may need to make eye contact while receiving instruction.
• Some may need written instructions, or tasks that are broken down.
• Some will work better with "white noise" in the background.
• Some work better in silence with no distractions at all.
• Still others may work best while moving, some only while involved in a physical task related to the topic.

There are common threads, and strategies to use to overcome the problems, no matter which source they spring from. But for anyone to succeed, they must realize that:

• Sometimes the child is the problem.
• Sometimes the expectations of the adult are the problem.

To change the working situation, you must be willing to change yourself as much as you want to change the child. You, also, must learn new ways to cope.

Parents who succeed become experts at analyzing the problems, and determining which ones will disappear with a change in environment or expectations, and which ones need to be addressed by a consistent plan to help the child learn to compensate and function under more "normalized" expectations.