As a divorced mom, I have to say that co-parenting is never easy. Every interaction with my ex was fraught with danger and the lack of control that I so despise. But recently I had to take a step back to realize how easy I had it. My good friend and her husband are getting divorced. Not such a big deal was my first reaction. But he is not around. He is deployed in the Navy and has been gone for a while. In addition, he’s not going to be back for an even longer while. My friend is used to doing things for herself. It’s been a hard road as a military family. And their children are teens now. It’s not easy parenting teenagers in the best of times, but having Dad gone has made things even harder.
So how do you begin proceedings when one partner is not even physically available? I didn’t have much to provide her in terms of advice. The military world is a mystery to me. I do know that many states require some type of parenting class in order for a divorce to proceed. I found a couple of online parenting classes so both she and her husband could get them taken care of quickly and easily. But how do you co-parent without a partner?
I suggested that she and her husband talk about potential issues and how to handle them. When were is leave periods? Did he have somewhere to stay where the kids could visit? How could they get in touch with him if they needed to? At least the separation was mutual. They seem to have simply grown apart but the anger that permeated my divorce is not present for her. That’s lucky for them. They will be able to be there for the kids. Teens almost always have a harder time in a divorce than little kids. They can understand more and have more history as a family. They also have more worries about where and how they will live. I hope they will be OK.
It makes me appreciate a little more that my ex tried so hard to be in the kids’ lives and be a good co-parent with me. Sometimes I wish that I had appreciated it a little more while I was going through it. Best I can hope for is that my friend and her husband are there for their kids. When we put the kids first, everyone wins.
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